I received this comment below and I thought it’s a topic many of us can relate to or maybe you know someone who can benefit from the info below 🙂

The comment:

Hello Puma,

Do you have any advice to give to someone (me) who’s been in a 9 year long relationship and sex has become pretty rare and boring? I am pretty open to try new things and we have even gone to a swingers party once, but it wasn’t for us. One day I hope to meet you in person because you seem to be such a fun person to be around!

My reply:

Invite Puma Swede in to your bedroom hahahaaaa… Jokes aside, I used to suggest role play, making your own sex tape, and/or phone sex/texting during the day to make suggestions on what’s going down later. 

BUT, then I read ‘Mating in Captivity’ by Esther Perel. Wow, this book is a must read if you are in a relationship and sex starts to be feel routine or mundane! 

This is what it says about the book on Amazon: 

“One of the world’s most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.

Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Through case studies and lively discussion, Perel demonstrates how more exciting, playful, and even poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. Wise, witty, and as revelatory as it is straightforward, Mating in Captivity is a sensational book that will transform the way you live and love.”

Esther talks about how we get so familiar with each other that we basically become one person. The basic rule is to keep some mystery, and that we should be two different people. There’s no need to share everything or know each others’ business in detail. 

The book brings in real couple’s problems/issues and Esther analyzes their situation. Most couples in the book are in love, that is not the issue. They just need to reheat the passion in it. She is brilliant, and I think her book is an excellent read even if you’re not in a relationship. Good info to store away for the future 🙂 

One final topic that I thought was very good! It talks about why you would tell someone you cheated. We say it’s because we want to be honest, but really it is because we feel the need to lessen our burden by telling the truth. By admitting cheating we make ourselves feel better, but our partner is most likely heartbroken! They did nothing wrong, but now you’re transferring your burden to them.  It definitely makes a compelling argument to consider whether to withhold cheating if it’s only going to be to your benefit.

Link to her book on Amazon – https://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Unlocking-Erotic-Intelligence/dp/0060753641

She also has a podcast which is how I discovered her – https://www.estherperel.com/podcast

I still think you guys can make your personal sex tape. I promise you will at least get a good laugh from it. Try the usual porn storylines – secretary/employee, teacher/student, doctor/patient… I think you get it 🙂 

There are obviously many more roads to try/explore. Even though I consider myself try-sexual, I believe I have more fun things to delve into. Swinging is fun, and I would like to explore tantric practices more for example. 

I think this topic is very broad and common so If you have any suggestions/advice/tips please share with the rest of us! More sex to the people! 

Kisses, Puma