Puh, finally got a bit settled in in Utah. Last days in Mexico consisted of packing, seeing friends, selling and giving away the last furniture and other things. Also stored 5 boxes at a friends house of stuff I wasn’t ready to part with. So much for clearing out hahhaaa…
Squeezed in some more Botox in face too…
Some last minute shooting that needed to be done. I painted this skirt which I think is awesome! Might be a tad much to wear in public though or what do you think?
Only had left over clothing to wear the last days so my outfits were very fashionable and coordinated! Should’ve just worn the penis skirt hahhaaa….
Hit the gym cause hauling boxes takes some strength.
Had a class of lighting and how to adjust focal points and depth of field with various techniques. I’m going to miss Leo’s classes!
Barbacoa lunch with Angel and his bf and amazing sushi & sake with Milla.
The last minute packing was no joke. I had planned to bring 4 suitcases, but the day before I realized I needed a fifth suitcase. Hunter was as always involved and supervising hahhaaaa…
Julieta who is Hunter’s extra mom when I travel came by and said bye too 🙂
The day before my departure someone picked up the bed and I camped out on the floor like the queen that I am 😉
I got to say that I was pretty nervous about flying with Hunter. I had created scenarios in my head where he escapes and runs around at the airport or in the plane. But I should’ve known better. He was nervous, but behaved so good 🙂
I had read that cats can overheat and you can cool them down with a wet cloth. I had a wet t-shirt and I put on him when he was panting. He also wore a calming collar.
On the plane he stayed in his bag and at the airport he came out and walked around and wondered what’s next…
It was a long day and I’m so happy all went well! Yesterday and today we explored the grounds of our new crib…
Waiting on a French Press from Amazon so been popping by Alpha Coffee for my caffeine. They got such good coffee and a great place to work at too…
Was going to hit the gym today, but the weather was perfect for some outdoor exercise. Went to this beautiful park and ran around bit and threw in some push ups and jump squats too.
That’s what I managed so far. Can’t wait to go hiking. Got a 4th of July party happening this week and friends from San Francisco visiting… How about you? Got some vacation coming up or already on it?
…coming up. My attempts to pack have been so-so. I have a few piles of likes, keeping, maybe keeping, give away… I realize that my ‘keeping’ pile has to be reduced by about 50%. Obviously these go into the definitely-going-to-Utah-pile…
Hunter is not much help in the decision making and we ended up taking a nap on the balcony 🙂
Visited Dr Jorge who injected my veins again. He got some cool gadgets and he let me look through his ‘headset’ where the skin pretty looks see-through.
Hunter also had an appointment with the vet for his last shots before flying 🙂
Hit the gym and trying to show my guns off…
Work, work, work….
Also prepped all week for my ‘going away’/Midsummer party that was this Friday. Great party, and the friends are one of the things I’ll miss the most here in Mexico…
The morning after feeling the aftermath of Mezcal shots and Carahillos hahahaaaa….
My favorite cafe here, Sonambulo, had their 3 year anniversary this weekend so I went by for coffee and chocolate cake 🙂
Last night was spent on the couch with a pizza and Hunter got his share of the ham on the pizza 🙂 Like could you say no to this face?
Now on a break from packing and had to evacuate the cafe because there was an earthquake alarm.
I pretty much sold all of the furniture. Got a lighting class this upcoming week and picking up Hunters paperwork for the flight too. Other than that it’s mostly packing and getting rid of the last stuff, hitting the gym, shooting, and hopefully next Sunday I will be writing to you from Utah 🙂
XXX Puma
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Another week and less things in the apartment. Feels really good to clean out and get a fresh start in a new place 🙂 I’ve done this 3 times before when leaving from Los Angeles to travel for a year, moving from San Francisco to Puerto Rico and then from PR to Mexico. I used to stress so much clearing things out, but I feel calm now and doing little by little… Ask the last week if I’m still as calm 😉
I met Valentina about 2 years ago here in Mexico. She is such a wise and cool chica and I missed her. She’s living in Australia now, but is back visiting here in Mexico. We went to one of my favorite restaurant here in the city, Maximo . The food is always great and the chocolate dessert we had might be one of the best desserts I’ve ever eaten! I just regret I had to share it!
Do you need your coffee too before work?
No caffeine, no work…
Hunter is totally oblivious to any work and mostly just interrupts it… The look ‘not impressed’ written all over his face in the last pic hahhaaaaa….
His travelbag arrived and I’m happy he fits in it. He is a big cat!
Went and got some more laser on my sunspots and got stabbed with Botox. Usually I don’t mind the Botox shots, but maybe cause I had the laser first, it hurt so bad. She gave me this vibrator thing to try distract me from the pain. Hint, it didn’t work!
Guess my favorite color?
What else ? Have 1 episode left of the Bridgerton series and almost done with the 2nd season of Suits. Started reading Count Of Monte Cristo and it seems really good. Ordered boxes and vacuum sealed bags for packing. Shooting tomorrow and having a go-away party on Friday 🙂
Usually I have more selfies, but I guess it was more Hunter this week for the left over pics. He has just started appreciating catnip and gets a bit fired up. That’s about the only time he gets fired up. The rest of the pics shows his most common state 🙂
Oh, and to the Daddies out there, Happy Fathers Day! To the rest, happy upcoming week 🙂
Last week flew by. My friend Dayana took of off for the whole summer, so we grabbed lunch to catch up and say bye for a while… Or ‘until next time’ that is…
Fancied myself up as best as I could and did my thing…
Then Mistress Rose came over and we had some more fun 🙂
And Hunter is on a training schedule now since we’ll be flying in the end of the month. Practising going outside in the stroller and made it halfway out in the harness. He’s airplane bag arrives this week too so I’ll have time to get him accustomed to it 🙂
He needs his rest after his training which apparently he finds tiring… He lives a hard life (not)!
Getting rid of all my furniture and junk I’ve collected here the past three years. It’s a lot. My reasoning often goes: ‘this could be good to save just in case’… Like 3 year old airline tickets. Think I could use them again? People came over on Friday and pretty much bought everything. Luckily I and Hunter still have one couch to sit and sleep on hahahaaa…
This weekend I had a little pop up store for Psychonaut Explorer jackets at my friends cafe Sonāmbulo here. Very popular and people rocked them 🙂
I have amazing fans. This guy came by the cafe and said he knows I like mushrooms. He grows them and gifted me this gummy shroomie 🙂
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all the stuff I need to do before moving and the best thing is hitting the gym and exhaust myself!
This week I’m going to sort out more stuff and give away a lot, dinner with friends visiting Mexico, touch up of Botox, shooting and training. Leftover pics from the past week. Like coming home and finding Hunter holding on to a pair of panties 🙂
So the big journey took place on Friday. I journaled before and really tried to set and clarify my intentions. Something that I questioned is what should I focus on? Is it photography or something else? I also wrote and said that I have fear, but I don’t know about what… I talked to Stacey, our facilitator, about how in my recent journeys with psychedelics I have felt fear/anxiety going into my trips. Fear of going to dark places. Nothing has been revealed when I’ve been in the ‘darkness’, mostly just feeling unease.
Mushrooms being measured in to individual doses by Troy and Jamie…
At 6.34pm I ate 5,5 grams of dried mushrooms and drank mushroom tea that was about 2 grams. Stacey suggested 7 gr when we talked, but my fear kicked in and we agreed on 5 gr. When I realized that I would be taking 7 gr after all, I decided to go with it. I felt pretty calm. In my mind I was saying I wanted it to be a good trip. Beautiful visuals and just feeling good.
It kicked in really fast for me (it always does) and I laid down and closed my eyes. The first thought I remember coming to me when I felt the effect was – promise yourself to never do psychedelics ever again, but then I started to have beautiful visuals and I was like, oh yes, this is going to be a great trip! Why would I not want to trip ever again in my life? I had 2 miniature guys that kept talking to me and I started asking them questions on what I should focus on. Is it photography? Will something else come up? They kind of just laughed and said that I can do whatever I want. I think we were in Vegas. Then I saw and visited a very light place, like a cave that felt like peace.
Then it was like the mushrooms decided that hey, let’s stop bullshitting around and deal with the real issue – your fear. I have always said “mushrooms don’t give you what you want, they give you what you need…” But I never experienced that, until now! I don’t exactly remember what I saw visually, I think it was mostly feeling fear, anxiousness and it being dark. I started to move and tried to get comfortable in my body. At one point I came to and my face was covered in tears without me realizing I’ve been crying. I think the mushrooms let me take a breather and then took me back in. At one point I came to and I was covered in sweat. I thought about calling for Stacey or Jamie to check on me. But I decided to just keep laying down and went back in.
At one point I was going in circles in my mind. I came back to the first thought, made conclusions and then I was back again. It was scary and I remember thinking I might never come out of this. Is this forever? I know from previous journeys that there are no other options than surrendering and pushing through. They played very calm music, and at times the music was quiet, making time stretch, and there were just my thoughts. I kept thinking, please put the music back on. I knew it was just a short break between songs, but it felt like the quietness lasted forever. Very hard to handle. I tried to guess how much time had passed and had to accept that I still probably had a lot of time left.
I think I finally started to come back and Stacey had in her notes that it was around 10.30pm. I needed to go to the bathroom and I was walked to one by Jamie. The floor was morphing so much. Going to the bathroom took me out of it a bit and I decided to put my headphones on and listen to my own music. I got up and started to move and dance a little. I remember thinking I was so fucking happy I was out of it and alive! I had a feeling that I went through hell and made it through. Felt relief and a feeling that I can make it through anything! Cyril was the only one left out on the chairs. I then started to dance more and then rocked out. I sat down at times and thought about my mom. First I wanted to brush it off, but decided to really take that in, sit with it and concentrate on my mom. The pain and hardships she went through. I realized I caused her a lot of worry. I cried.
In the end I sat by the pool just thinking about my experience and what I went through… All of a sudden I noticed this little bug crawling around me. Then there was more and it felt like they were all coming towards me. Not scary, just feeling that maybe I was connected to everything.
I think I went into my room around 12.30 am. Then Cyril came knocking and we went sitting outside and we talked about our experiences. He went through a big trip as well.
At 2 am I decided it was time for bed. I saw a lot of creatures when I closed my eyes, but I fell asleep fast and slept the whole night through…
So what do I feel now? I am more present and feel that I don’t need to know exactly where I’m headed or what’s next for me. It will be revealed if I have patience and stay open. I had a knot in my stomach before and Mama Orah said that our feelings a lot of times express themselves in our stomachs. I don’t have that anymore. I don’t feel fear or anxiety anymore. I will definitely keep doing psychedelics and appreciate the trip I went through even though it was a hard one. I think I have one more big trip ahead of me that is about forgiving someone. But who knows, maybe the mushrooms will take me elsewhere…
Also made a decision when returning home to move. I’m moving to Utah. I’ll save that for the next post, but I’m very excited about it!!!
Still working on this blog and I think I will stick with the design I have now. Just have to fix little things on it 🙂
Monday was Sarah’s last day in Mexico City. Went to the gym. So much fun when you have a gym partner that pushes you!
Hunter loves when people come over. Made Sarah scratch his scalp before sending her off…
Sometimes Hunter sneezes/coughs. I saw a video on Instagram of a cat doing the same and it was asthma. I called Hunter’s vet who came and picked him up for X-rays. He dropped him off an hour later and said Hunter doesn’t have asthma. Probably just something from back in the day when he lived in the woods. The pollution is pretty bad now too. Puh!
Let’s just continue on the Hunter topic… Hunter surveying what everyone is up to and him sleeping in the bookshelf with an iPhone as a pillow, amongst my clothes and on my shoes while he waits for me to come back home 🙂
On Wednesday I shot with Mistress Rose. She is so much fun and easy going so we had a great time. Just like when working out, it’s sometimes more fun with a partner in crime 😉
Went to lunch after we glamorously stuffed down sandwiches 🙂
About 3 weeks ago I signed up for a ‘dinner with strangers’ kind of thing. It popped up on my IG and I thought why not? It said it’s 6 people they put together and book a restaurant for you where you all meet. It was awesome and a great group. We also went to a bar after and met a couple of other people from other groups that had done the same thing. I love meeting new people and like a friend of mine said: “Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet” … Obviously not all strangers become friends, but there’s a chance 🙂 Forgot to take pics. Only got this one from the elevator going home. The package? A nice fan bought Hunter a new bed 🙂
I have been wanting to color my hair a bit more natural color. So on Friday I went to a new salon that has great reviews. I asked for low lights and maybe some color to blend with the rat color on top which is my natural color. I showed several pics of what I was aiming for and said that I still want to be blond, but more natural. After sitting with what I thought was lowlights, I find out that they were actually more blond highlights. We then pick a color and I ask that the color is only going to go on the top part of my hair, not all of it. No, just the top. Sooooo, 6h laters when I’m finally colored, cut and blow-dried and stand in front of the mirror and see my new grayish color, I admit I was pretty disappointed.
The comparison of what I was looking for and what I got…
I wrote to them that I will be gray haired in a few years anyways so I don’t want to pay to be it just yet. They agreed the color is a bit off, so tomorrow I get to go back and hopefully be a little more non-grey hahhaaaa….
I also have friends from San Francisco in town and yesterday we had some BBQ during the day. Only made it home to paint my face and go to Casino Royale themed birthday party. We got fake money to play blackjack and poker with. It then turned in to some cash games. I love gambling and especially poker! Had a blast and forgot to take one single picture 🙁 There might of been some Tequila involved in that too…
I met the photographer this week too but unfortunately he’s leaving for the summer to Europe to shoot 🙁 Have to try to find other ones that I could shadow/assist and learn more.
Wohoooo, finally it’s time for Jamaica next week. I really look forward to going. I fly super early on Wednesday. OK, here’s a few leftovers and I hope you all had a great weekend! I might or might not update you next Sunday from Jamaica. But I will be posting on IG so make sure to follow me there @thepumaswede 🙂
The blog is looking weird because I’m trying to redesign it. I don’t really have patience for it, so I give it like 10 minutes here and there and not making much progress… But I’ll get there eventually!
Went to Chapultepec park last Sunday for some fresh air. Mostly I was sweating and the whole park is more yellow/brownish than green now because it feels hotter than a Finnish sauna here! Even the dogs had shoes on to protect their paws. Not sure what the goggles were for though…
In the afternoon I finally got to meet Milla’s cat. She claims he’s soooo cute. I’m not totally convinced. He’s no Hunter, but he was playful and fun so that compensates for him being hairless 😉
I had the studio at the school booked and made Ximena patiently model for me while I was trying out different lighting options, settings, patterns, positions etc. So much to figure out and I was totally exhausted after! Here’s a couple of samples…
I got a text from a girl, Sarah, that I met at a wedding in St Barths 10 years ago that she is in Mexico now. I remember her being funny and us getting along so we decided to meet up. At the wedding pre-party I ‘accidentally’ asked the bride’s mom if she liked anal sex (we were all joking around and she was goading me to ask her something shocking) and that almost resulted in me getting kicked out of the wedding. I wrote about it before at another blog I had, anyone here remember the story? Anyways, at the time, Sarah just laughed about it and we actually ended up leaving the wedding and going to a club. So much to catch up over dinner…
Since Sarah is a fitness coach and in great shape we also hit the gym. Great workout and I’m still sore…
We also hit some stores and smoothies…
I always see videos of people’s cats squeezing themself into boxes. Hunter has never been interested until now. I guess this box just fit him perfectly and now he likes to nap in it at times 🙂
Edited this set from the love hotel in Japan, the second set is some of this weeks smuttiness and then me trying to catch a ride on the street 🙂
I have a friend here that is very knowledgeable about all of the many psychedelics. He is regularly invited to ceremonies abroad with tribes of indigenous people. He facilitated a Changa ceremony for me and a friend last year which was amazing. I get all my psychedelics from him. Yesterday I went back and got 2 different LSD microdoses. Popped one right away and felt great rest of the night 🙂
I think this upcoming week will be great. I met a fetish/dom model here last week and she is supercool and this Wednesday we will shoot together 🙂
Meeting a photographer this week that I have asked to shadow/assist to learn more about photography and lighting.
Have more friends coming to town, a birthday party, and hopefully deciding about a moving too 🙂 Utah is the spot now!
OK, going to try design this blog a bit now and maybe next week it will look a bit better 🙂 Or not… My food intake has been pretty healthy this week, but then this Cheesecake happened hahahaaa…
Go be amazing or tell someone else they’re amazing!
I just recently heard about Hyrox from some people at the gym. Kind of like Crossfit, but with a lot of running & cardio in it. Their IG says ‘World Series of Fitness Racing’. Yesterday they had a competition here in Mexico City, and a lot of people from the gym competed. Basically it was 8 x 1km running and 8 x workouts like sledge pull & push, wall-balls, skiing, farmers carry, etc. You could compete in teams, pairs, couples, solo, and different age groups. Cheered for Milla my Finn friend who I think finished in 5th place and a guy from Sweden, Hugo, who came 2nd. Also our team from the gym finished in 2nd place! Wow, I’m so impressed at their fitness level, so now I’m going to give this Hyrox-thingy a try for a month.
Realized I need to stop snacking on all of the crap too, so right now I have paleo bread cooking in the oven 🙂 Fingers crossed my motivation lasts for more than a week hahahhaaaa… I actually managed to finish baking it while writing this masterpiece of a blog and I must say it turned out fabulously! Will be making more of this!
The theme for shooting this week was wet, slippery, & latex-y…
It’s pretty much exactly one month until I’m going to Jamaica. Had to dig out my Jamaican bikini and see if it still fits 🙂 Last week when I spoke to Troy he said there was 1 room left. If you are interested in joining me at the Mycelia Retreat on May 23rd to the 26th – hit them up www.myceliajm.com 🙂
Hit the gym and it’s been so hot here in Mexico, so I’m sweaty before I even started working out! Pretty good though because I always feel like I worked out harder than I did 😉
Hunter is being his usual spoiled self. I like to start mornings with coffee in bed and Hunter gets some milk too to feel like he’s part of the morning chill. Also practicing with him being in the stroller. Want to be able to take him out on walks 🙂 So far we’ve been strolling around in the apartment only, but will hopefully try the elevator and at least take a peek outside next week 🙂
I finished a couple of books by Rebecca Yarros. Fourth Wing and Iron Flame, book 1 & 2 in the Empyrean series. The 1st book was exciting and it was a bit like Game of Thrones for young adults. The 2nd book I feel lost it a bit. The main characters’ dragon was always flying faster and faster and what got the most description and details were the sex scenes. But that was also so mind blowing and always better and better that I actually ended up skimming past them. Not like me if you know me hahhaaaa…
Still going to classes for photography and next week I’m getting a light and softbox delivered. Hopefully I will produce some fancy pics after that. On Friday I’m taking off to San Francisco over the weekend for another wedding. Will see some friends too so I’m excited. Other than that I will try to stay off refined sugars and get through some Hyrox training!
I just recently heard about Hyrox from some people at the gym. Kind of like Crossfit, but with a lot of running & cardio in it. Their IG says ‘World Series of Fitness Racing’. Yesterday they had a competition here in Mexico City, and a lot of people from the gym competed. Basically it was 8 x 1km running and 8 x workouts like sledge pull & push, wall-balls, skiing, farmers carry, etc. You could compete in teams, pairs, couples, solo, and different age groups. Cheered for Milla my Finn friend who I think finished in 5th place and a guy from Sweden, Hugo, who came 2nd. Also our team from the gym finished in 2nd place! Wow, I’m so impressed at their fitness level, so now I’m going to give this Hyrox-thingy a try for a month.
Realized I need to stop snacking on all of the crap too, so right now I have paleo bread cooking in the oven 🙂 Fingers crossed my motivation lasts for more than a week hahahhaaaa… I actually managed to finish baking it while writing this masterpiece of a blog and I must say it turned out fabulously! Will be making more of this!
The theme for shooting this week was wet, slippery, & latex-y…
It’s pretty much exactly one month until I’m going to Jamaica. Had to dig out my Jamaican bikini and see if it still fits 🙂 Last week when I spoke to Troy he said there was 1 room left. If you are interested in joining me at the Mycelia Retreat on May 23rd to the 26th – hit them up www.myceliajm.com 🙂
Hit the gym and it’s been so hot here in Mexico, so I’m sweaty before I even started working out! Pretty good though because I always feel like I worked out harder than I did 😉
Hunter is being his usual spoiled self. I like to start mornings with coffee in bed and Hunter gets some milk too to feel like he’s part of the morning chill. Also practicing with him being in the stroller. Want to be able to take him out on walks 🙂 So far we’ve been strolling around in the apartment only, but will hopefully try the elevator and at least take a peek outside next week 🙂
I finished a couple of books by Rebecca Yarros. Fourth Wing and Iron Flame, book 1 & 2 in the Empyrean series. The 1st book was exciting and it was a bit like Game of Thrones for young adults. The 2nd book I feel lost it a bit. The main characters’ dragon was always flying faster and faster and what got the most description and details were the sex scenes. But that was also so mind blowing and always better and better that I actually ended up skimming past them. Not like me if you know me hahhaaaa…
Still going to classes for photography and next week I’m getting a light and softbox delivered. Hopefully I will produce some fancy pics after that. On Friday I’m taking off to San Francisco over the weekend for another wedding. Will see some friends too so I’m excited. Other than that I will try to stay off refined sugars and get through some Hyrox training!
Started my week popping by Tatiana and getting my third and final set of NCTF injections. I sometimes wonder how I’d look if I would’ve stayed all natural? No lip fillers, tattooed eyebrows, lower face lift, Botox and whatever other injections I’ve had, and what color would my natural hair actually be? Too late to wonder about that, will just keep injecting, lasering, lifting, cutting and coloring hahahhaaa…
Had to catch up on a lot of work. Custom orders and the regular smut 🙂
As I’ve said before, Hunter likes to be involved and it’s not always helpful. Here he just planted himself in the middle of the shot and we had to take a 5 min break to pet him and finally convince him to pick another spot…
Had another class of lighting. So much fun to learn and it’s amazing how much you can change the feel of a photo with different lighting. We also practiced copying the lighting from different shots. I picked a photo of one of my favorites directors, Quentin Tarantino!
Some selfies from this week. I bought this awesome hair cap from Japan….
And this weeks pics of Hunter. He thought my bra was a perfect headrest hahahaa…
A couple of more shots from my shoot at the love hotel in Tokyo 🙂
Yesterday I came across my mushroom micro-dose pills. Decided to take one. Normally I don’t feel anything from them, but yesterday I felt it kick in. Had a good feeling and then later I got huge munchies and had to order pizza and snacks. Only overdid by a little on the sugar ratio LOL…
I did go to the gym too but forgot to take pics as proof, so you just have to take my word for it. That’s pretty much all I had going for me this week. Next week I have more work, school, and gym planned. How about you?
