Another week and less things in the apartment. Feels really good to clean out and get a fresh start in a new place 🙂 I’ve done this 3 times before when leaving from Los Angeles to travel for a year, moving from San Francisco to Puerto Rico and then from PR to Mexico. I used to stress so much clearing things out, but I feel calm now and doing little by little… Ask the last week if I’m still as calm 😉
I met Valentina about 2 years ago here in Mexico. She is such a wise and cool chica and I missed her. She’s living in Australia now, but is back visiting here in Mexico. We went to one of my favorite restaurant here in the city, Maximo . The food is always great and the chocolate dessert we had might be one of the best desserts I’ve ever eaten! I just regret I had to share it!
Do you need your coffee too before work?
No caffeine, no work…
Hunter is totally oblivious to any work and mostly just interrupts it… The look ‘not impressed’ written all over his face in the last pic hahhaaaaa….
His travelbag arrived and I’m happy he fits in it. He is a big cat!
Went and got some more laser on my sunspots and got stabbed with Botox. Usually I don’t mind the Botox shots, but maybe cause I had the laser first, it hurt so bad. She gave me this vibrator thing to try distract me from the pain. Hint, it didn’t work!
Guess my favorite color?
What else ? Have 1 episode left of the Bridgerton series and almost done with the 2nd season of Suits. Started reading Count Of Monte Cristo and it seems really good. Ordered boxes and vacuum sealed bags for packing. Shooting tomorrow and having a go-away party on Friday 🙂
Usually I have more selfies, but I guess it was more Hunter this week for the left over pics. He has just started appreciating catnip and gets a bit fired up. That’s about the only time he gets fired up. The rest of the pics shows his most common state 🙂
Oh, and to the Daddies out there, Happy Fathers Day! To the rest, happy upcoming week 🙂
Last week flew by. My friend Dayana took of off for the whole summer, so we grabbed lunch to catch up and say bye for a while… Or ‘until next time’ that is…
Fancied myself up as best as I could and did my thing…
Then Mistress Rose came over and we had some more fun 🙂
And Hunter is on a training schedule now since we’ll be flying in the end of the month. Practising going outside in the stroller and made it halfway out in the harness. He’s airplane bag arrives this week too so I’ll have time to get him accustomed to it 🙂
He needs his rest after his training which apparently he finds tiring… He lives a hard life (not)!
Getting rid of all my furniture and junk I’ve collected here the past three years. It’s a lot. My reasoning often goes: ‘this could be good to save just in case’… Like 3 year old airline tickets. Think I could use them again? People came over on Friday and pretty much bought everything. Luckily I and Hunter still have one couch to sit and sleep on hahahaaa…
This weekend I had a little pop up store for Psychonaut Explorer jackets at my friends cafe Sonāmbulo here. Very popular and people rocked them 🙂
I have amazing fans. This guy came by the cafe and said he knows I like mushrooms. He grows them and gifted me this gummy shroomie 🙂
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all the stuff I need to do before moving and the best thing is hitting the gym and exhaust myself!
This week I’m going to sort out more stuff and give away a lot, dinner with friends visiting Mexico, touch up of Botox, shooting and training. Leftover pics from the past week. Like coming home and finding Hunter holding on to a pair of panties 🙂
So the big journey took place on Friday. I journaled before and really tried to set and clarify my intentions. Something that I questioned is what should I focus on? Is it photography or something else? I also wrote and said that I have fear, but I don’t know about what… I talked to Stacey, our facilitator, about how in my recent journeys with psychedelics I have felt fear/anxiety going into my trips. Fear of going to dark places. Nothing has been revealed when I’ve been in the ‘darkness’, mostly just feeling unease.
Mushrooms being measured in to individual doses by Troy and Jamie…
At 6.34pm I ate 5,5 grams of dried mushrooms and drank mushroom tea that was about 2 grams. Stacey suggested 7 gr when we talked, but my fear kicked in and we agreed on 5 gr. When I realized that I would be taking 7 gr after all, I decided to go with it. I felt pretty calm. In my mind I was saying I wanted it to be a good trip. Beautiful visuals and just feeling good.
It kicked in really fast for me (it always does) and I laid down and closed my eyes. The first thought I remember coming to me when I felt the effect was – promise yourself to never do psychedelics ever again, but then I started to have beautiful visuals and I was like, oh yes, this is going to be a great trip! Why would I not want to trip ever again in my life? I had 2 miniature guys that kept talking to me and I started asking them questions on what I should focus on. Is it photography? Will something else come up? They kind of just laughed and said that I can do whatever I want. I think we were in Vegas. Then I saw and visited a very light place, like a cave that felt like peace.
Then it was like the mushrooms decided that hey, let’s stop bullshitting around and deal with the real issue – your fear. I have always said “mushrooms don’t give you what you want, they give you what you need…” But I never experienced that, until now! I don’t exactly remember what I saw visually, I think it was mostly feeling fear, anxiousness and it being dark. I started to move and tried to get comfortable in my body. At one point I came to and my face was covered in tears without me realizing I’ve been crying. I think the mushrooms let me take a breather and then took me back in. At one point I came to and I was covered in sweat. I thought about calling for Stacey or Jamie to check on me. But I decided to just keep laying down and went back in.
At one point I was going in circles in my mind. I came back to the first thought, made conclusions and then I was back again. It was scary and I remember thinking I might never come out of this. Is this forever? I know from previous journeys that there are no other options than surrendering and pushing through. They played very calm music, and at times the music was quiet, making time stretch, and there were just my thoughts. I kept thinking, please put the music back on. I knew it was just a short break between songs, but it felt like the quietness lasted forever. Very hard to handle. I tried to guess how much time had passed and had to accept that I still probably had a lot of time left.
I think I finally started to come back and Stacey had in her notes that it was around 10.30pm. I needed to go to the bathroom and I was walked to one by Jamie. The floor was morphing so much. Going to the bathroom took me out of it a bit and I decided to put my headphones on and listen to my own music. I got up and started to move and dance a little. I remember thinking I was so fucking happy I was out of it and alive! I had a feeling that I went through hell and made it through. Felt relief and a feeling that I can make it through anything! Cyril was the only one left out on the chairs. I then started to dance more and then rocked out. I sat down at times and thought about my mom. First I wanted to brush it off, but decided to really take that in, sit with it and concentrate on my mom. The pain and hardships she went through. I realized I caused her a lot of worry. I cried.
In the end I sat by the pool just thinking about my experience and what I went through… All of a sudden I noticed this little bug crawling around me. Then there was more and it felt like they were all coming towards me. Not scary, just feeling that maybe I was connected to everything.
I think I went into my room around 12.30 am. Then Cyril came knocking and we went sitting outside and we talked about our experiences. He went through a big trip as well.
At 2 am I decided it was time for bed. I saw a lot of creatures when I closed my eyes, but I fell asleep fast and slept the whole night through…
So what do I feel now? I am more present and feel that I don’t need to know exactly where I’m headed or what’s next for me. It will be revealed if I have patience and stay open. I had a knot in my stomach before and Mama Orah said that our feelings a lot of times express themselves in our stomachs. I don’t have that anymore. I don’t feel fear or anxiety anymore. I will definitely keep doing psychedelics and appreciate the trip I went through even though it was a hard one. I think I have one more big trip ahead of me that is about forgiving someone. But who knows, maybe the mushrooms will take me elsewhere…
Also made a decision when returning home to move. I’m moving to Utah. I’ll save that for the next post, but I’m very excited about it!!!
Still working on this blog and I think I will stick with the design I have now. Just have to fix little things on it 🙂
Monday was Sarah’s last day in Mexico City. Went to the gym. So much fun when you have a gym partner that pushes you!
Hunter loves when people come over. Made Sarah scratch his scalp before sending her off…
Sometimes Hunter sneezes/coughs. I saw a video on Instagram of a cat doing the same and it was asthma. I called Hunter’s vet who came and picked him up for X-rays. He dropped him off an hour later and said Hunter doesn’t have asthma. Probably just something from back in the day when he lived in the woods. The pollution is pretty bad now too. Puh!
Let’s just continue on the Hunter topic… Hunter surveying what everyone is up to and him sleeping in the bookshelf with an iPhone as a pillow, amongst my clothes and on my shoes while he waits for me to come back home 🙂
On Wednesday I shot with Mistress Rose. She is so much fun and easy going so we had a great time. Just like when working out, it’s sometimes more fun with a partner in crime 😉
Went to lunch after we glamorously stuffed down sandwiches 🙂
About 3 weeks ago I signed up for a ‘dinner with strangers’ kind of thing. It popped up on my IG and I thought why not? It said it’s 6 people they put together and book a restaurant for you where you all meet. It was awesome and a great group. We also went to a bar after and met a couple of other people from other groups that had done the same thing. I love meeting new people and like a friend of mine said: “Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet” … Obviously not all strangers become friends, but there’s a chance 🙂 Forgot to take pics. Only got this one from the elevator going home. The package? A nice fan bought Hunter a new bed 🙂
I have been wanting to color my hair a bit more natural color. So on Friday I went to a new salon that has great reviews. I asked for low lights and maybe some color to blend with the rat color on top which is my natural color. I showed several pics of what I was aiming for and said that I still want to be blond, but more natural. After sitting with what I thought was lowlights, I find out that they were actually more blond highlights. We then pick a color and I ask that the color is only going to go on the top part of my hair, not all of it. No, just the top. Sooooo, 6h laters when I’m finally colored, cut and blow-dried and stand in front of the mirror and see my new grayish color, I admit I was pretty disappointed.
The comparison of what I was looking for and what I got…
I wrote to them that I will be gray haired in a few years anyways so I don’t want to pay to be it just yet. They agreed the color is a bit off, so tomorrow I get to go back and hopefully be a little more non-grey hahhaaaa….
I also have friends from San Francisco in town and yesterday we had some BBQ during the day. Only made it home to paint my face and go to Casino Royale themed birthday party. We got fake money to play blackjack and poker with. It then turned in to some cash games. I love gambling and especially poker! Had a blast and forgot to take one single picture 🙁 There might of been some Tequila involved in that too…
I met the photographer this week too but unfortunately he’s leaving for the summer to Europe to shoot 🙁 Have to try to find other ones that I could shadow/assist and learn more.
Wohoooo, finally it’s time for Jamaica next week. I really look forward to going. I fly super early on Wednesday. OK, here’s a few leftovers and I hope you all had a great weekend! I might or might not update you next Sunday from Jamaica. But I will be posting on IG so make sure to follow me there @thepumaswede 🙂
The blog is looking weird because I’m trying to redesign it. I don’t really have patience for it, so I give it like 10 minutes here and there and not making much progress… But I’ll get there eventually!
Went to Chapultepec park last Sunday for some fresh air. Mostly I was sweating and the whole park is more yellow/brownish than green now because it feels hotter than a Finnish sauna here! Even the dogs had shoes on to protect their paws. Not sure what the goggles were for though…
In the afternoon I finally got to meet Milla’s cat. She claims he’s soooo cute. I’m not totally convinced. He’s no Hunter, but he was playful and fun so that compensates for him being hairless 😉
I had the studio at the school booked and made Ximena patiently model for me while I was trying out different lighting options, settings, patterns, positions etc. So much to figure out and I was totally exhausted after! Here’s a couple of samples…
I got a text from a girl, Sarah, that I met at a wedding in St Barths 10 years ago that she is in Mexico now. I remember her being funny and us getting along so we decided to meet up. At the wedding pre-party I ‘accidentally’ asked the bride’s mom if she liked anal sex (we were all joking around and she was goading me to ask her something shocking) and that almost resulted in me getting kicked out of the wedding. I wrote about it before at another blog I had, anyone here remember the story? Anyways, at the time, Sarah just laughed about it and we actually ended up leaving the wedding and going to a club. So much to catch up over dinner…
Since Sarah is a fitness coach and in great shape we also hit the gym. Great workout and I’m still sore…
We also hit some stores and smoothies…
I always see videos of people’s cats squeezing themself into boxes. Hunter has never been interested until now. I guess this box just fit him perfectly and now he likes to nap in it at times 🙂
Edited this set from the love hotel in Japan, the second set is some of this weeks smuttiness and then me trying to catch a ride on the street 🙂
I have a friend here that is very knowledgeable about all of the many psychedelics. He is regularly invited to ceremonies abroad with tribes of indigenous people. He facilitated a Changa ceremony for me and a friend last year which was amazing. I get all my psychedelics from him. Yesterday I went back and got 2 different LSD microdoses. Popped one right away and felt great rest of the night 🙂
I think this upcoming week will be great. I met a fetish/dom model here last week and she is supercool and this Wednesday we will shoot together 🙂
Meeting a photographer this week that I have asked to shadow/assist to learn more about photography and lighting.
Have more friends coming to town, a birthday party, and hopefully deciding about a moving too 🙂 Utah is the spot now!
OK, going to try design this blog a bit now and maybe next week it will look a bit better 🙂 Or not… My food intake has been pretty healthy this week, but then this Cheesecake happened hahahaaa…
Go be amazing or tell someone else they’re amazing!
I just recently heard about Hyrox from some people at the gym. Kind of like Crossfit, but with a lot of running & cardio in it. Their IG says ‘World Series of Fitness Racing’. Yesterday they had a competition here in Mexico City, and a lot of people from the gym competed. Basically it was 8 x 1km running and 8 x workouts like sledge pull & push, wall-balls, skiing, farmers carry, etc. You could compete in teams, pairs, couples, solo, and different age groups. Cheered for Milla my Finn friend who I think finished in 5th place and a guy from Sweden, Hugo, who came 2nd. Also our team from the gym finished in 2nd place! Wow, I’m so impressed at their fitness level, so now I’m going to give this Hyrox-thingy a try for a month.
Realized I need to stop snacking on all of the crap too, so right now I have paleo bread cooking in the oven 🙂 Fingers crossed my motivation lasts for more than a week hahahhaaaa… I actually managed to finish baking it while writing this masterpiece of a blog and I must say it turned out fabulously! Will be making more of this!
The theme for shooting this week was wet, slippery, & latex-y…
It’s pretty much exactly one month until I’m going to Jamaica. Had to dig out my Jamaican bikini and see if it still fits 🙂 Last week when I spoke to Troy he said there was 1 room left. If you are interested in joining me at the Mycelia Retreat on May 23rd to the 26th – hit them up www.myceliajm.com 🙂
Hit the gym and it’s been so hot here in Mexico, so I’m sweaty before I even started working out! Pretty good though because I always feel like I worked out harder than I did 😉
Hunter is being his usual spoiled self. I like to start mornings with coffee in bed and Hunter gets some milk too to feel like he’s part of the morning chill. Also practicing with him being in the stroller. Want to be able to take him out on walks 🙂 So far we’ve been strolling around in the apartment only, but will hopefully try the elevator and at least take a peek outside next week 🙂
I finished a couple of books by Rebecca Yarros. Fourth Wing and Iron Flame, book 1 & 2 in the Empyrean series. The 1st book was exciting and it was a bit like Game of Thrones for young adults. The 2nd book I feel lost it a bit. The main characters’ dragon was always flying faster and faster and what got the most description and details were the sex scenes. But that was also so mind blowing and always better and better that I actually ended up skimming past them. Not like me if you know me hahhaaaa…
Still going to classes for photography and next week I’m getting a light and softbox delivered. Hopefully I will produce some fancy pics after that. On Friday I’m taking off to San Francisco over the weekend for another wedding. Will see some friends too so I’m excited. Other than that I will try to stay off refined sugars and get through some Hyrox training!
I just recently heard about Hyrox from some people at the gym. Kind of like Crossfit, but with a lot of running & cardio in it. Their IG says ‘World Series of Fitness Racing’. Yesterday they had a competition here in Mexico City, and a lot of people from the gym competed. Basically it was 8 x 1km running and 8 x workouts like sledge pull & push, wall-balls, skiing, farmers carry, etc. You could compete in teams, pairs, couples, solo, and different age groups. Cheered for Milla my Finn friend who I think finished in 5th place and a guy from Sweden, Hugo, who came 2nd. Also our team from the gym finished in 2nd place! Wow, I’m so impressed at their fitness level, so now I’m going to give this Hyrox-thingy a try for a month.
Realized I need to stop snacking on all of the crap too, so right now I have paleo bread cooking in the oven 🙂 Fingers crossed my motivation lasts for more than a week hahahhaaaa… I actually managed to finish baking it while writing this masterpiece of a blog and I must say it turned out fabulously! Will be making more of this!
The theme for shooting this week was wet, slippery, & latex-y…
It’s pretty much exactly one month until I’m going to Jamaica. Had to dig out my Jamaican bikini and see if it still fits 🙂 Last week when I spoke to Troy he said there was 1 room left. If you are interested in joining me at the Mycelia Retreat on May 23rd to the 26th – hit them up www.myceliajm.com 🙂
Hit the gym and it’s been so hot here in Mexico, so I’m sweaty before I even started working out! Pretty good though because I always feel like I worked out harder than I did 😉
Hunter is being his usual spoiled self. I like to start mornings with coffee in bed and Hunter gets some milk too to feel like he’s part of the morning chill. Also practicing with him being in the stroller. Want to be able to take him out on walks 🙂 So far we’ve been strolling around in the apartment only, but will hopefully try the elevator and at least take a peek outside next week 🙂
I finished a couple of books by Rebecca Yarros. Fourth Wing and Iron Flame, book 1 & 2 in the Empyrean series. The 1st book was exciting and it was a bit like Game of Thrones for young adults. The 2nd book I feel lost it a bit. The main characters’ dragon was always flying faster and faster and what got the most description and details were the sex scenes. But that was also so mind blowing and always better and better that I actually ended up skimming past them. Not like me if you know me hahhaaaa…
Still going to classes for photography and next week I’m getting a light and softbox delivered. Hopefully I will produce some fancy pics after that. On Friday I’m taking off to San Francisco over the weekend for another wedding. Will see some friends too so I’m excited. Other than that I will try to stay off refined sugars and get through some Hyrox training!
Started my week popping by Tatiana and getting my third and final set of NCTF injections. I sometimes wonder how I’d look if I would’ve stayed all natural? No lip fillers, tattooed eyebrows, lower face lift, Botox and whatever other injections I’ve had, and what color would my natural hair actually be? Too late to wonder about that, will just keep injecting, lasering, lifting, cutting and coloring hahahhaaa…
Had to catch up on a lot of work. Custom orders and the regular smut 🙂
As I’ve said before, Hunter likes to be involved and it’s not always helpful. Here he just planted himself in the middle of the shot and we had to take a 5 min break to pet him and finally convince him to pick another spot…
Had another class of lighting. So much fun to learn and it’s amazing how much you can change the feel of a photo with different lighting. We also practiced copying the lighting from different shots. I picked a photo of one of my favorites directors, Quentin Tarantino!
Some selfies from this week. I bought this awesome hair cap from Japan….
And this weeks pics of Hunter. He thought my bra was a perfect headrest hahahaa…
A couple of more shots from my shoot at the love hotel in Tokyo 🙂
Yesterday I came across my mushroom micro-dose pills. Decided to take one. Normally I don’t feel anything from them, but yesterday I felt it kick in. Had a good feeling and then later I got huge munchies and had to order pizza and snacks. Only overdid by a little on the sugar ratio LOL…
I did go to the gym too but forgot to take pics as proof, so you just have to take my word for it. That’s pretty much all I had going for me this week. Next week I have more work, school, and gym planned. How about you?
Happy being back to blonde. Angel came over and decolored the yellow out of my hair and fixed the roots.
On Tuesday I finally had my class in lighting. The school has a smaller studio where we practiced. Started basic and then got to experiment a little. Scheduled another class for lighting when I’m back from Japan 🙂
Then experimented some more at home. Not really, I just have crappy lights for my homemade content hahhaaaa…
Saw Tatiana on Thursday for my second session of NCTF. When I’m there waiting for the numbing cream to kick in, hugging the support piggy and complaining about my under-eye wrinkles, she goes to her cabinet and pulls out a package. It’s called Aqu Lift and one of these packages has 5 needles with threads. I had one package done for each eye. Crazy looking and thank god for the numbing cream!!!
I had to film it because I thought it was so freaky looking, so if you have a needle fetish, here you go 🙂
To top it all off she did the NCTF using my face like a punchingbag for needles and covering my face in a blood red mask hahhaaaa…
I also had the permanent cap put in by the dentist. If you ever consider dentistry work or injections, come to Mexico. It’s so much cheaper and as long as you go to a well reviewed place, you can save a lot of dinero! If I move back to USA, I will come back here and fix everything that’s broken 🙂
Now you’re going to get my best tip of the week – fast and delicious apple pie. I made it twice this week and I changed out the brown sugar to coconut sugar. It’s so delicious, you only need the ready pastry dough, apples, sugar, cinnamon, butter and egg. It doesn’t look so good here in the pic, but trust me, make double portions right away 🙂 You’ll find the recipe and instructions here – https://natashaskitchen.com/apple-cinnamon-slab-pie/
Too much apple pie and Dayana convinced me to go out to Santa Fe on Friday and do a class of booty & abs with her at the Commando gym. Checking the results after. Dayana passes but I need like 100 more booty classes!
A very cool barista I know here got this awesome tattoo because she also loves magical mushrooms!
Hunter says hi and has found his new spot. Can you find him?
I’ve cleared that spot for him now, and of course he hasn’t used it since. Maybe it was more comfortable with all the chargers and cables there…
Here we compete for the title ‘Best Double Chin” in this pic… He loves half-laying on my belly when we go to bed, then he starts to fall asleep and sliding down. By some automatic reaction his claws come out to try to hold him in place. Worst idea ever, but what Hunter wants, Hunter gets.
I just finished shooting my Swedish friend Sanna who’s an artist. We got to use a studio and I got to practice my photography skills. We shot a lot of cool stuff. Just have to go through them before I show you 🙂 Here’s just a screenshot of from my IG story.
By accident this morning, I realized that my flight to Japan is tomorrow night and not on Tuesday night! Got to head home and wash & pack. Julieta is coming over to live with Hunter and make sure his needs are catered for like the king he believes he is hahahahaa..
Started my week getting better at manipulating and enhancing pics in Photoshop with Leisha. I found her at the gym. One day we talked and it turns out she has been teaching Photoshop and Lightroom in a university before moving to Mexico. I asked her to start teaching me, and now we have lessons planned 🙂 If you start seeing pics of me looking 25, wrinkle free, huge a*s in perfect surroundings, you know my classes are working hahhaaaa…
Until then I’ll keep injecting some Botox and whatever else I can get my hands on. Got some Botox and was supported by the office mascot.
I had lunch planned with Angel on Tuesday. He said he was going to cook and I thought that I’d be gone for like 3h. We ended popping 4 bottles, smoking a couple of packs of cigarettes, and talked about life on his balcony. His dog Charlotte kept us company. It was great catching up, but next time I’ll aim for a little less drinking and smoking LOL…
Ximena and I were shooting the next day. Felt a bit worn out from the night before, but my motto has always been ‘party hardy, but you never skip work because of it’. I’ve never cancelled a shoot or other work because of a hangover. That’s just being an amateur 😉 Luckily I found leftover pizza in the refrigerator and ate it while shooting!
Hunter thinks the attention from Ximena should focus on him a bit more while we are shooting. He usually just crashes in her lap until he gets what he wants or she gives him a snack.
They called form the dentist and asked me to pop by since they had to do a new mold of my tooth. They told me I didn’t need numbing, but I told them to numb it anyways because I don’t want to feel anything while she’s digging around in there with various tools!
Hit the gym and feel that my fitness level is pretty good now. The tan is getting there too 😉
And impressed some chicas at the gym with the strength of my ‘rack’ 🙂
I crave nature here. Went out to the woods and did a small hike. I think the next place where I’ll live will have closer/easier access to trails and nature. Yes, thinking that it might be time to move soon…
Excited about this upcoming week. First Angel is coming over tomorrow to fix my hair. The yellow color doesn’t feel very bueno. On Tuesday I have a 4-hour class on lighting at the photography school. Got class with Leisha too and Spanish. Hopefully doing a shoot with a friend to check my skills too. Pizza night with some friends who recently went to Japan to get all of their tips.
Thank you for the tips you guys sent about Japan. After the wedding which I think will be fabulous and fun, I have a list of things I want to do. I hope to visit a Muscle Girl Cafe and a cafe with Capybaras. A day to see Mt Fuji and maybe pop by Osaka. Maybe take a Samurai class and sake tasting. I’m very excited to be going!
And some more attention on Hunter since he loves it. Almost more than me hahhahaa…
