Category: Retreat

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The Trip

So the big journey took place on Friday. I journaled before and really tried to set and clarify my intentions. Something that I questioned is what should I focus on? Is it photography or something else? I also wrote and said that I have fear, but I don’t know about what… I talked to Stacey, our facilitator, about how in my recent journeys with psychedelics I have felt fear/anxiety going into my trips. Fear of going to dark places. Nothing has been revealed when I’ve been in the ‘darkness’, mostly just feeling unease.

Mushrooms being measured in to individual doses by Troy and Jamie…

At 6.34pm I ate 5,5 grams of dried mushrooms and drank mushroom tea that was about 2 grams. Stacey suggested 7 gr when we talked, but my fear kicked in and we agreed on 5 gr. When I realized that I would be taking 7 gr after all, I decided to go with it. I felt pretty calm. In my mind I was saying I wanted it to be a good trip. Beautiful visuals and just feeling good. 

It kicked in really fast for me (it always does) and I laid down and closed my eyes. The first thought I remember coming to me when I felt the effect was – promise yourself to never do psychedelics ever again, but then I started to have beautiful visuals and I was like, oh yes, this is going to be a great trip! Why would I not want to trip ever again in my life? I had 2 miniature guys that kept talking to me and I started asking them questions on what I should focus on. Is it photography? Will something else come up? They kind of just laughed and said that I can do whatever I want. I think we were in Vegas. Then I saw and visited a very light place, like a cave that felt like peace. 

Then it was like the mushrooms decided that hey, let’s stop bullshitting around and deal with the real issue – your fear. I have always said “mushrooms don’t give you what you want, they give you what you need…” But I never experienced that, until now! I don’t exactly remember what I saw visually, I think it was mostly feeling fear, anxiousness and it being dark. I started to move and tried to get comfortable in my body. At one point I came to and my face was covered in tears without me realizing I’ve been crying. I think the mushrooms let me take a breather and then took me back in. At one point I came to and I was covered in sweat. I thought about calling for Stacey or Jamie to check on me. But I decided to just keep laying down and went back in.

At one point I was going in circles in my mind. I came back to the first thought, made conclusions and then I was back again. It was scary and I remember thinking I might never come out of this. Is this forever? I know from previous journeys that there are no other options than surrendering and pushing through. They played very calm music, and at times the music was quiet, making time stretch, and there were just my thoughts. I kept thinking, please put the music back on. I knew it was just a short break between songs, but it felt like the quietness lasted forever. Very hard to handle. I tried to guess how much time had passed and had to accept that I still probably had a lot of time left.

I think I finally started to come back and Stacey had in her notes that it was around 10.30pm. I needed to go to the bathroom and I was walked to one by Jamie. The floor was morphing so much. Going to the bathroom took me out of it a bit and I decided to put my headphones on and listen to my own music. I got up and started to move and dance a little. I remember thinking I was so fucking happy I was out of it and alive! I had a feeling that I went through hell and made it through. Felt relief and a feeling that I can make it through anything! Cyril was the only one left out on the chairs. I then started to dance more and then rocked out. I sat down at times and thought about my mom. First I wanted to brush it off, but decided to really take that in, sit with it and concentrate on my mom. The pain and hardships she went through. I realized I caused her a lot of worry. I cried. 

In the end I sat by the pool just thinking about my experience and what I went through… All of a sudden I noticed this little bug crawling around me. Then there was more and it felt like they were all coming towards me. Not scary, just feeling that maybe I was connected to everything. 

I think I went into my room around 12.30 am. Then Cyril came knocking and we went sitting outside and we talked about our experiences. He went through a big trip as well. 

At 2 am I decided it was time for bed. I saw a lot of creatures when I closed my eyes, but I fell asleep fast and slept the whole night through… 

So what do I feel now? I am more present and feel that I don’t need to know exactly where I’m headed or what’s next for me. It will be revealed if I have patience and stay open. I had a knot in my stomach before and Mama Orah said that our feelings a lot of times express themselves in our stomachs. I don’t have that anymore. I don’t feel fear or anxiety anymore. I will definitely keep doing psychedelics and appreciate the trip I went through even though it was a hard one. I think I have one more big trip ahead of me that is about forgiving someone. But who knows, maybe the mushrooms will take me elsewhere… 

Also made a decision when returning home to move. I’m moving to Utah. I’ll save that for the next post, but I’m very excited about it!!!

Hope your weekend has been superb!

XXX Puma

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Mycelia Psilocybin Retreat

Last week on Wednesday I took an Uber at 02.00 am to the airport. Tried to sneak out without waking Hunter up, but no luck with that. When I grabbed my bags and was ready to head downstairs, he came out stretching and yawning and walked me to the door.

Sooo tired and happy when it was about time to finally board the plane. I find out that the flight to Houston is being cancelled because the plane is broken. Or I guess in less dramatic terms, has technical issues.  Ugh!

There are not many options for flying from Mexico to Jamaica. They tried to find options, but all of them meant staying somewhere overnight and continuing tomorrow. I finally got the brilliant idea to look for a flight to Kingston in Jamaica instead. It wasn’t guaranteed I’d get on it though because it was overbooked. I thought some good thoughts, crossed some fingers, and at 08.40 am I flew to Atlanta instead. Pretty much passed out as soon as I sat down on the plane.

In Atlanta the pIane was overbooked and they started offering money to people to fly the next day instead. Luckily enough people took the offer and at 5.59 pm we took off to Jamaica finally! I think the Atlanta airport had very interesting artwork. Or is just me that has a dirty mind?

Got to the villa around 22.30 and met everyone. Chuck who I met last year from the US. So great seeing him again! Cyril from Sweden. More about him later. Dev from Australia, Alex who is Armenian, Derryck from USA (but grew up in South Africa and lived in Russia among other places) and Rob from South Africa but came from Cayman Islands the next day.

Thursday

Slept good and woke up at 7.30am. I always get excited if I have a pool or access to a beach and feel the need to get in instantly. Afterwards I had coffee and mingling while having a light breakfast. 

Around 11am Mama Orah came over to give us a yoga session. If you read my blog last year you already know I love Mama Orah. I believe she’s past 70 years old and she just radiates compassion and you want to hug her which I obviously did 🙂 While the rest of us are in the shade yoga-ing she’s in the sun like it’s nothing! I’m guessing it was about 31 Celsius! 

After that it was time for lunch and Marcel was the chef this time too. He cooks the best food and is a sweetheart! 

What I like about this retreat is that there’s no stress. You have time to relax on your own or with the group. I love meeting new people, and we were a great group with a lot of interesting stories and experiences on why we all came here. Cyril is a writer/journalist from Sweden who I had only been in contact with on Instagram a couple of times. About a month ago he posted about psilocybin on his feed. I sent him a DM that I had micro-dosed and asked him if he didn’t want to come to Jamaica on a retreat with me. Cyril had been traveling for work and rerouted his return by Jamaica so here we were meeting for the first time. 

Around 4pm we were on a private beach for our 1st mushroom dose. A lighter dose and I took 2 grams in a gummy and 1 gram of chocolate.

We all were swimming and a rainbow appears. So cool. I didn’t expect to feel as much as I did, but I had a lot of visuals. The clouds were in 3D layers and I saw geometrical patterns when I closed my eyes. Felt a bit restless and lied down on a towel on my own and let go… When I felt that I was coming out of it I started listening to my music and dancing. Damn, I love dancing when ending my trip. It’s like I release all of the built up and leftover energy. I feel so free and great after… We also had a beautiful sunset on the beach before packing up and headed back to the villa. 

Marcel had cooked us dinner and we sat talking about how our trips had been. Cyril and I sat up until midnight because he just has the craziest stories to tell about people he interviewed, wild parties, and wars in Syria and Ukraine he’d reported from. 

Friday

The day started with coffee, chilling in the pool, breakfast and then another yoga session with Mama Orah.

After lunch we had individual sessions with Stacey who was our facilitator. She is from Jamaica and very calm and wise. We talked about my intention for the upcoming journey and how much mushrooms I was going to take. There will be a longer and separate post about this because this was probably my most powerful trip ever in so many ways. I finally understand the meaning of “The mushrooms give you what you need, not what you want” and it was so true for me on this trip. This is us getting to ready to take off…

The night ended with Cyril and I sitting up talking about our experiences until 2am. I felt elated and drained after and still had some visions when I went to bed and closed my eyes…

Saturday

One of my favorite things form last year is when we all shared about our trips. This morning was no different. Everyone was curious about each others journeys. Seemed like everyone had a powerful one. Stacey was also around to answer questions and listen to us sharing…

At 4pm it was time to head to another beach for our last dose. I only took 2 grams and felt it in my body, but didn’t really have any visuals. It also started raining so we had to take shelter and it’s different when you are interacting with other people versus just lying down and letting go. I also believe the mushrooms felt I’d received what I needed the night before so now it was mostly relaxing. Witnessed a beautiful sunset before heading back to the villa to chill…

On Sunday we packed up and checked in and Sand & Tan where I stayed last year too after the retreat. It’s a simple hotel right on the beach and it felt good to reflect on the past few days.

My favorite was to just walk out from my balcony and go swim first thing in the morning. There was barely any other people there so we were just journaling, talking, eating and hanging out. I went paddle boarding every day and just laid on the board. Was even able to get one sunset on the water on the board. 

Lunch with gang. Anyone else think this sign is funny?

Dinner at the hotel…

Pulled myself together and worked a little. Can’t really say it feels like work when you’re on the beach in yet another beautiful sunset 🙂

Met this artist at the hotel and he painted this mural. I suspect he even might of planted this weed plant next to it 🙂

On the last night the last stragglers visited a strip club. I love visiting strip clubs in different countries. We had a couple of drinks and watched some great pole tricks before leaving and crashing in bed. 

My flight was not until 2.30pm on Wednesday so I had time to swim and have breakfast with Troy and John who runs the retreat and Cyril.

The guy who runs Sand & Tan buys fresh caught fish every day from the fishermen…

Had to stop for some great jerk chicken on the way to the airport too…

Made it home and I feel much more relaxed. Something I’ve taken home is to feel more present. Be in the moment. I sometimes do 5 things at the same time, but I think I’m a bit more focused now and able to concentrate on only 1 (or 2) things at the time. 

Hunter was very happy about me coming home and talked a lot before he slept glued to my side the whole night 🙂 

I think I will have some other exciting news to share in the next few days 🙂 Just finalizing details now wohooo 🙂

The next retreat in Mycelia is June 23 – June 27 and there are a couple of spots left. If you’ve ever been thinking of going to a retreat, I can’t recommend Mycelia enough! Here is how our itinerary looked for the days we were there.

Hope you all will have a great weekend! Got plans? I’m going to polish my notes about the big trip experience and hopefully post it tomorrow. Hopefully getting together with Dayana today before she leaves for her summer travels. Tomorrow I’m helping Astrid with some computer stuff, but will read and relax too 🙂

Laters, Puma

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Mycelia retreat in Jamaica

If you’ve been following my adventures for a while, you’ll remember I visited Jamaica and the Mycelia mushroom retreat last May. It was one of the highlights of last year’s experiences for me. I’m now thrilled to extend the invitation for you to join me on my next journey at Mycelia.

I’m currently in talks with the Mycelia team to organize a special retreat tailored for my friends, readers, and followers. Whether you’re a curious first-timer or a bit of a psychonaut like me, Mycelia offers a unique setting to work on yourself.

Dates: May 22nd – 26th

How much? USD $3495 (excluding extra beach hotel days).

Before attending, there will be a call to make sure this experience is a good fit for you. Also a call with the facilitator before attendance.


I fell in love with Jamaica and the Mycelia Retreat and it was an unforgettable experience. The team, led by knowledgeable guides, created a fun and relaxing atmosphere. From Marcel’s home cooked daily meals to Mama Orah’s soothing yoga sessions, while Troy’s kept a watchful eye on us all 🙂 For me the whole trip was perfect.

Mycelia is located close to Ocho Rios in a beautiful villa nestled in the hills overlooking the Caribbean Sea.  It has an amazing 9 ft deep salt water pool and a hot tub where you can relax and work on your tan 🙂


It’s a 4-day retreat, including 3 days of medicine, the psilocybin doses are tailored to each individual.  We start with a smaller dose on the beach and the dosages increase in later sessions.  When the retreat ends we have an option to stay at the waterfront beachfront hotel and I recommend a couple of extra days post-retreat to process your experience.   

Many of us did last time which I really enjoyed because it gave us time to talk about our journeys, paddle board, and just hang out.    

Here are links to 2 of my posts from Mycelia last year if you want to get a feeling and read about my experiences there.

Jamaica
Ja Mon…

I recommend you check out Mycelia’s website where there’s more info. This is the website for Mycelia Retreat – https://www.myceliajm.com/

Mycelia was featured on Al Jazeera’s Mindset docuseries last week and you can watch it on their website or here’s the link to see it on YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_DZwKOG1xA

I’m so excited as this will be my 1 year anniversary at Mycelia, and I hope you can join me 🙂 Feel free to reach out to me or Mycelia if you have any questions.

Who’s in?

XXX Puma

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Corason Retreat Part 2

Here comes the second part. In case it wasn’t obvious by the headline lol.

On our 3rd day it was time for San Pedro. Here is Lupita who made us a tasty juice for breakfast 🙂

We had another exercise and we talked about human needs. We arranged them by how they are at the present moment, and how we would like to reorder them. There was a lot more that went into this, but hard to explain it unless I write an essay and I suck at that 😉

I’d never tried San Pedro before which is a cactus. It was like a dark green, lumpy, warm smoothie. It did not taste good! We all had a lot of trouble getting it down; spooning it up from our cups while gagging.

I laid down to wait and see what San Pedro was going to bring along. I fell asleep and when I woke up I was alone in the room. I got up and joined everyone on the rooftop and listened to some good disco tunes.

None of us were really feeling anything from the medicine. We decided that we would have some more. It was really hard to get it down again, and I only managed to eat half of it.

We then started sharing about our families and upbringing. My personal story was about how my dad was very strict. I had the utmost respect for him, border lining on fear if I knew I’d done something wrong. There were a lot of emotions and tears. Bawling. Michael brought out wooden boards. He taught us a technique to punch through it. Not sure this was anything I could do. Seemed like some cool Kung Fu. I was told to share the old image/perception I had of my dad, and then what would be the new one. In short, I believe he really loved me and did his best. Even though he was a bit hardcore at the time hahhaaaa… I was told to punch through the wood. 

Damn, that was powerful and I felt a bit like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill when she punches herself out of the coffin! I did cut out my bawling before this though…

We then ate on the rooftop together and talked. The weirdest thing is that I then started feeling the San Pedro. Things were morphing a bit and I was tripping. It was great hanging out, and after a while we all felt that it was time for bed. I slept badly though, and was twisting and turning all night.

Sunday, our last day, and I was (and looked) pretty worn out hahahaa…

It was time to prep for Bufo. Bufo is a psychedelic derived from the secretions of the Bufo Alvaius toad. Photo by Joel Sartore, National Geographic. 

We gathered in our retreat room and were told that Bufo is what would bring clarity to all of the previous medicines. I was very excited about it as I felt I need some answers. 

A little side note here. We were told on the first day not to smoke anything whether it be cigarettes, vapes or cannabis. I refrained from smoking for two days, but then snuck out and had a couple of cigarettes. Also a couple on the rooftop the night before. Not very bueno of me, but I felt like I ‘deserved’ it… Here’s me thinking I got away with it 😉

Sooo, Miryana and Michael started preparing and serving the medicine.

They came to me last and sat down next to me. I was then told that I would not receive the medicine since I’ve been smoking. I felt disappointed and angry. I realized that I could only blame myself. So hard when you can’t point fingers at anyone else hahahaaa… All I could do was take this as a learning lesson, to honor my promises in the future! I asked everyone else how their experience was and it sounded pretty amazing. I’m sure there will come another time for me to try Bufo…

Afterwards we gathered on the rooftop and talked about these 4 days. It’s hard to take it all in and make sense of it so shortly after. It was an amazing group of people and new friends were made. 

Alex came up with our motto which I documented with and extra # in the end hahahaaa…

This is a very intense experience in a short period of time. I believe most (if not all) medicines numb you and take away what might be an uneasy feeling, like depression or anxiety for example. These medicines do the opposite, they make you feel! It might be hard, or not, but I’ve seen and felt them work on me and others.

I took the bus back home on Sunday afternoon.

Monday was pretty normal and on Tuesday I got a cold and was a bit lethargic. I felt a lot of different emotions, ups and downs, and I stayed home most of the day. I don’t know if it’s been because I was sick, but for the first time I’ve been able to just be at home and relax. I barely did anything last week. I stayed home, I started reading a book about mindfulness, and I have tried to meditate for small amounts of time every day. I watched a movie in the middle of the day, I slept a lot, and didn’t feel any pressure to work on something all the time. Normally I need to be working or I feel that I’m wasting my time. I feel better now and I will try to hold onto this new more chilled version of me 🙂 And of course Hunter is supporting me. He likes chill 🙂

If you have any questions about the retreat, hit me up 🙂

XXX Puma

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Corason Retreat Part 1

It’s been a lot to process as it was four very intense days with different medicines. I’ve decided to make two different posts as it became very looooooong and I’m still polishing the last part. Hopefully post it tomorrow 🙂

I took the bus from Mexico City to San Miguel de Allende. Very smooth ride about 4h away.

I wanted to have a relaxing day before the ceremonies and not arrive the day of. I stayed at Maison Mexique, a cute little hotel in the middle of everything. I threw my bag down and spent the day walking around the city.

In the evening I sat on the rooftop writing down some thoughts and intentions for the days to come.

Next morning I walked around a bit in the sun and had some fruit for breakfast.

We were notified that they would also be offering Kambo before the Ayahuasca ceremony the first day. I decided I wanted it, and drank 2 liters of water before leaving for the retreat. It was a short 10 minute Uber ride away. I’m always early, so I checked into my room at the house we were staying at, and then walked around checking out the hood 🙂

“Kambo is the name of a natural substance derived from the glandular secretions of the amphibian Phyllomedusa bicolor, a species native to regions in South America. The communities living in these areas administer the substance generally transdermally during rituals for religious-purifying purposes, producing small skin burns.” https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9061256/

The retreat was held by Miryana & Michael. More about them later 🙂 There were four of us who showed up to receive Kambo. The room had mattresses and buckets. I knew Kambo makes you purge and I remember thinking that I’ve never purged in a group setting. First time for everything…

We were told how it would be administered, the duration and what to expect. Miryana burned 3 holes on my ankle with the end of a burning stick. Didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, but it still stinged. She rubbed the burnt skin off and applied the Kambo.

We were told to keep drinking water. I think it took around 15-20 minutes until I started to get an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I let out a small purge. Michael kept encouraging us to drink more water. Kept drinking and then I purged out what felt like the rest of what I had in my stomach.

I thought beforehand that I would feel a lot worse, but it wasn’t too hard to handle and I felt good after purging. You are pretty focused on what you are going through, so I barely noticed the others purging. The Kambo is then wiped off the skin and it took about 1 hour in total. I felt pretty much back to normal afterwards.

In the afternoon two more people arrived. We all met up and talked about the upcoming Ayahuasca ceremony that was happening later at night. When it was time we first had an ‘exercise’ led by Michael. It was about setting your intentions. What is your perception about yourself right now and what would you like it to be. Before going at it, we danced together and then settled down and wrote whatever came to mind. Then more dancing and again settling down to write about the ‘new’ and improved you.

I like to draw and this is the new me going who knows where hahahaaa….

Then we all shared a word that summarized it all. My word was peace. I would like to live and be aware of the present more. Not to feel that I need to be effective all of the time. There was also a table set-up and you could leave an offering there…

At 8.15pm we were served Ayahuasca. (Ayahuasca is commonly made by the stems of the Banisteriopsis caapi vine and the leaves of the Psychotria viridis shrub). Photo by: Jana Klintoukh

I think about an hour after drinking the first cup, we all opted for a second serving. As usual when I’m doing larger doses of psychedelics, I remember thinking, ‘I don’t feel anything’, and then all of a sudden it hit me full-force. Wow, what a journey it took me on. There were times when I had to ask the medicine to take it a bit slow as it was so intense. At one point I think I experienced some kind of death. It all became white and my face was covered in tears when I came to again. I had a lot of visuals. I had visions of wolves howling and eating a carcass. I might of howled at one point too hahhaaaa… The feelings were mixed between fear, mostly because it was so intense, a lot of love for people I know, and in the between I just tried to surrender to everything and take it all in. Not very easy though lol…

Around 4am they told us we could go to our rooms or we could stay where we were. I did not hear this as I think I had fallen asleep. It was 6.30am when I was able to get up and go to bed exhausted. I’m still trying to make sense of my journey. I have a follow up call next week on Tuesday so maybe I can get more clarity then…

On the 2nd day we got together around 10 am to share about our different journeys. I’m always amazed how the experiences differ from one person to another. Some had people from their past ‘visit’ them and no visions of patterns. Very interesting to hear about the various trips.

We then talked about the mushroom ceremony, and it was going to be in silence with no music or drums. Around noon we were served the mushroom tea. Miryana said before that it was important to not compare this journey with other shroom journeys we might of had before. Well, my trip was nothing like any other I’ve had and there’s been a few. I felt the effect, but had no visuals like I always have. I walked up to the rooftop and put my headphones on and started dancing. Felt so good moving in the sun. After about 4 hours the effect of the mushrooms were wearing off, and we gathered downstairs again to share. I asked about my trip because I thought maybe I had become immune to shrooms. One suggestions was that I had asked for peace during Ayahuasca and maybe that was what I was experiencing. Hmm, makes sense to me…

We then had 1.5h to ourselves and I decided to emerge from our ‘container’ and go for a walk and clear my head a bit.

In the evening we gathered again for a breathing exercise. Mryana & Michael told us beforehand that it could get intense and to just let go and do whatever you felt you needed to do. Move, make sounds or whatever. I remember thinking – How powerful can a breathing exercise be? It was all very simple. Sit with your eyes closed and take deep breaths, inhale & exhale, with your mouth only. It varied with drums and then music. It started with everyone concentrating on their inhales and exhales. I don’t know at what point it happened, but soon we were making sounds. Pretty quietly at first. Then it got louder and louder. I remember pretty much letting it all out, crying loudly at one point. I had visuals appear. A giant flower with a tunnel leading into it. I remember thinking that this is like no other breathing exercise I ever done and it felt so good. Maybe I had some leftover shrooms and Aya that helped with the visions, I don’t know. It calmed down and we were told to take deep breaths and hold. Hold when we exhaled. The last holding of your breath was 2.5 min long. I didn’t quite manage that, but held my breath far longer than I thought I could… I really liked it. We then all gathered at the rooftop and hung out. It was a very cool group of people I was with, and it is always very interesting to hear everyone’s stories and why they’ve chosen these medicines.

OK, I’m going to leave at this, and next post will be about the 2 remaining days with San Pedro and Bufo 🙂 And I’m going to share a pretty badass video of myself!

Hugs, Puma