Here comes the second part. In case it wasn’t obvious by the headline lol.
On our 3rd day it was time for San Pedro. Here is Lupita who made us a tasty juice for breakfast 🙂
We had another exercise and we talked about human needs. We arranged them by how they are at the present moment, and how we would like to reorder them. There was a lot more that went into this, but hard to explain it unless I write an essay and I suck at that 😉
I’d never tried San Pedro before which is a cactus. It was like a dark green, lumpy, warm smoothie. It did not taste good! We all had a lot of trouble getting it down; spooning it up from our cups while gagging.
I laid down to wait and see what San Pedro was going to bring along. I fell asleep and when I woke up I was alone in the room. I got up and joined everyone on the rooftop and listened to some good disco tunes.
None of us were really feeling anything from the medicine. We decided that we would have some more. It was really hard to get it down again, and I only managed to eat half of it.
We then started sharing about our families and upbringing. My personal story was about how my dad was very strict. I had the utmost respect for him, border lining on fear if I knew I’d done something wrong. There were a lot of emotions and tears. Bawling. Michael brought out wooden boards. He taught us a technique to punch through it. Not sure this was anything I could do. Seemed like some cool Kung Fu. I was told to share the old image/perception I had of my dad, and then what would be the new one. In short, I believe he really loved me and did his best. Even though he was a bit hardcore at the time hahhaaaa… I was told to punch through the wood.
Damn, that was powerful and I felt a bit like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill when she punches herself out of the coffin! I did cut out my bawling before this though…
We then ate on the rooftop together and talked. The weirdest thing is that I then started feeling the San Pedro. Things were morphing a bit and I was tripping. It was great hanging out, and after a while we all felt that it was time for bed. I slept badly though, and was twisting and turning all night.
Sunday, our last day, and I was (and looked) pretty worn out hahahaa…
It was time to prep for Bufo. Bufo is a psychedelic derived from the secretions of the Bufo Alvaius toad. Photo by Joel Sartore, National Geographic.
We gathered in our retreat room and were told that Bufo is what would bring clarity to all of the previous medicines. I was very excited about it as I felt I need some answers.
A little side note here. We were told on the first day not to smoke anything whether it be cigarettes, vapes or cannabis. I refrained from smoking for two days, but then snuck out and had a couple of cigarettes. Also a couple on the rooftop the night before. Not very bueno of me, but I felt like I ‘deserved’ it… Here’s me thinking I got away with it 😉
Sooo, Miryana and Michael started preparing and serving the medicine.
They came to me last and sat down next to me. I was then told that I would not receive the medicine since I’ve been smoking. I felt disappointed and angry. I realized that I could only blame myself. So hard when you can’t point fingers at anyone else hahahaaa… All I could do was take this as a learning lesson, to honor my promises in the future! I asked everyone else how their experience was and it sounded pretty amazing. I’m sure there will come another time for me to try Bufo…
Afterwards we gathered on the rooftop and talked about these 4 days. It’s hard to take it all in and make sense of it so shortly after. It was an amazing group of people and new friends were made.
Alex came up with our motto which I documented with and extra # in the end hahahaaa…
This is a very intense experience in a short period of time. I believe most (if not all) medicines numb you and take away what might be an uneasy feeling, like depression or anxiety for example. These medicines do the opposite, they make you feel! It might be hard, or not, but I’ve seen and felt them work on me and others.
I took the bus back home on Sunday afternoon.
Monday was pretty normal and on Tuesday I got a cold and was a bit lethargic. I felt a lot of different emotions, ups and downs, and I stayed home most of the day. I don’t know if it’s been because I was sick, but for the first time I’ve been able to just be at home and relax. I barely did anything last week. I stayed home, I started reading a book about mindfulness, and I have tried to meditate for small amounts of time every day. I watched a movie in the middle of the day, I slept a lot, and didn’t feel any pressure to work on something all the time. Normally I need to be working or I feel that I’m wasting my time. I feel better now and I will try to hold onto this new more chilled version of me 🙂 And of course Hunter is supporting me. He likes chill 🙂
If you have any questions about the retreat, hit me up 🙂
XXX Puma
Puma Swede Blog 